Personal Advancement

Book helps working women crack the gender communication difference code Get your message across Understanding and learning to bridge the differences between how women and men communicate will help women excel in the workplace, says Audrey Nelson. Sharon Aschaiek, Special to QMI Agency

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“Women need to gain knowledge of how men communicate; they need a travel guide to male culture — how to get along in it and get promoted in it,” says Nelson, co-author of Code Switching: How to Talk so Men Will Listen.

Code Switching is a primer for professional women wanting to crack the gender communication difference code so that they can more effectively interact with male colleagues and supervisors, complete projects, resolve conflicts and gain respect in the workplace.

Nelson, a Boulder, Colo.-based corporate communication consultant specializing in, among other things, male/female communication, and her co-author Claire Damken Brown, also a gender communication expert, cover the main differences in communication styles that are generally found between men and women.

“Men are direct: if you ask them a question, they will tell you exactly what they think, without necessarily thinking about the person’s feelings,” Nelson says. “Women are indirect: they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or rock the boat, so they are indirect to keep things civil.”

Other main communication differences between the sexes, Nelson says, are that men are goal-oriented, self-focused and independent, while women tend to be process-oriented, other-focused and interdependent.

These traits typically found in women, Nelson says, all have to do with the predisposition women have to being social maintainers.

“Women do social maintenance — they take care of people and relationships, and are more concerned about how people are getting along at work,” she says.

This characteristic can be both a pro and a con to women’s professional mobility, Nelson says.

On one hand, she says, the high emotional intelligence women bring to the workplace helps them build beneficial workplace relationships.

“Because women are good at empathy, they are the recipients of more disclosure, of personal information. It’s easier to interact with them,” she says.

On the other hand, she says, their preference for more indirect communication doesn’t always get the message across well to men.

“Women want to tell the whole story, while men want you to get to the point, they don’t care about the details,” Nelson says.

This is where the code switching concept comes in, which Nelson defines as the ability to adapt your communication style to different contexts and audiences. When talking to men, Nelson says, the most important change women can make is to switch to bullet point-style communication.

“I call it the pyramid style: at the top of the pyramid is the shortest answer — give this to your male boss. If he wants to know more, go down the pyramid and tell him more, but shorten your explanation by half,” she says. “Men want to get to the bottom line, and this is how you can get them to listen.”

Much the same goes for e-mail messages, Nelson says: keep them brief and free of excessive social niceties.

“Men want short e-mails, and they don’t care as much as women about having a salutation such as ‘good morning’ or ‘have a great day,’” she says.

Last, but certainly not least, Nelson says, is body language — women need to be aware of and improve the power dynamic they present through their non-verbal communication.

“Women tend to cross their legs and arms and speak in little-girl voices — to men, it’s as if you’re saying, ‘How small can I be?’” she says. “They need to uncoil themselves, sit up straight and speak up in order to convey confidence.”

sharon@cocoamedia.ca

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