Workplace Challenges

How to handle conflict in the workplace

Take a deep breath

Q. I'm one of a number of students working at a bank for the summer. One of our co-workers criticizes us to other co-workers, saying we don't do our work. This isn't true, and even if it was, she only works two days a week, so how would she know? I can't concentrate on my work when she's there because I'm afraid I'm doing something wrong that I don't realize. What can I do?

JOHANNA KRISTOLAITIS
[ 2006-10-25 ]

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A. Handling conflict is just like juggling knives: one wrong move and someone will get hurt. But with some practise and know-how, you can make it look easy. The first thing to remember is not to take it personally. Your coworker's comments may be caused by a computer crash or because they didn't get their morning coffee. It usually isn't about you; when it is, it doesn't detract from your value as a person.

Secondly, take the constructive out of the criticism. Your coworker may not be phrasing her complaint in the most helpful way, but there could be a valid point in her view. Perhaps the student workers are more vocally social while accomplishing job tasks, which could give her the impression you are not working as you should be. Stop playing defence and recognize where she may be coming from, and use that recognition to improve.

If you truly feel she has no basis for her comments, or if the conflict continues, speak to the individual directly at an appropriate time. As it can be difficult to broach the subject, planning your course of action beforehand and role-playing with a friend can help prepare you to deal with the situation.

It is important to remain calm while sorting through the issue. If you feel frustration overwhelming you, take a few deep breaths; if that is insufficient, excuse yourself with a phrase like "I need a moment to gather my thoughts" and return when you feel ready to continue the discussion.


When addressing the conflict, use statements such as "I feel upset" rather than "You make me upset" and give specifics, where possible. This phrasing places responsibility for your reaction with you and helps focus on the problem more than the personalities.

Generally, aggressive personalities contribute to conflict by intimidating colleagues, while passive- aggressive personalities often create resentment and confusion because they retaliate against coworkers indirectly. However, conflict can have positive effects when handled in an assertive, understanding manner.

By keeping an open mind and really listening to the other person's point of view, you are being proactive and assertive in conflict resolution.

Try paraphrasing what your coworker says to make sure you understand them correctly, and develop a concrete solution, with a timeline for following up, if necessary.

If you cannot resolve the conflict with the individual directly, speak privately to your supervisor, who may act as a mediator to bring a resolution that meets everyone's needs.

Do not make the conflict a regular subject for discussion among colleagues, as that will likely worsen the situation.

If all else fails, remember you can always leave (as long as it isn't in a huff) and find another job.

Johanna Kristolaitis is a writer with the DiversityCanada Foundation. Visit www.diversitycanada.com for more career tips and job postings.



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