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When Sparks Fly

Hitting On a Subordinate: 5 Tips for Keeping Your Nose Clean

Falling in love with a subordinate is risky business. But if you’re contemplating a dangerous liaison, here are five tips experts recommend you consider.

By Hélèna Katz

[ 2009-02-06 ]

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1. Figure out your feelings.

Organizational development consultant Caroline Samné says that working together can sometimes breed a false sense of closeness between employees. While there’s no foolproof way to determine just how real your feelings are, you may want to consider whether you share other interests with the person besides work, suggests Randall Craig, career planning expert and author of the book Personal Balance Sheet.

2. Determine whether it’s mutual.

If the object of your affections doesn’t feel the same way about you, they may see your advances as harassment, Samné points out. “You could damage your reputation even if you did nothing wrong,” she warns. Unfortunately, there’s no sure-fire way to determine if the person is interested in you, short of asking them.

3. Evaluate the risk.

Love – and lust – can make people do crazy things. But before you throw caution to the wind, Bill Johnston, advisor with the Canadian Management Centre, says a boss needs to consider what they will gain from the relationship, and what they’re willing to sacrifice for it. If it’s a fling, is it worth risking your reputation? If it’s the real deal, would you be willing to look elsewhere for work?

4. Prepare the big reveal.

If you’ve decided to reveal your feelings to your subordinate, don’t do it on work premises, Samné says. Meet the person on more neutral territory such as a coffee shop.

What you say and how you say it also important. Samné points out that “once you have made that revelation, there’s no going back.” To ensure your subordinate doesn’t feel coerced into a relationship, you may want to preface the conversation by saying something like: “If you are not comfortable with this conversation, then please let me know and I will completely respect your feelings.”

5. Fess up to the company.

If a relationship develops, you should tell higher-ups about it regardless of company policy on the matter because of the conflict of interest involved, says Toronto employment lawyer Kenneth Krupat. The couple can meet with higher-ups to tell them about the serious relationship and that they are willing to face the consequences, such as having one of them transferred to a different team so that one person isn’t reporting to the other, Johnston recommends. As Samné says bluntly, “It’s just not kosher to be dating a subordinate.”