Workplace Challenges
Keeping relationship envy at bayMaking love work at workThe cat is out of the bag about your new office romance. How can you diffuse potential complications with colleagues and your boss? HÉLÈNA KATZ -- JOBBOOM.COM |
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When a relationship with a colleague becomes public information, it's only natural that co-workers will react to the news. Life and career coach Joshua Zuchter says their reaction depends partly on how they feel about the new couple.
"Some [people] may be really happy for you because they thought you two should be together. Others may be jealous," he says, adding that workplace friends may get "territorial" and want to protect you from relationship troubles.
While you can't control everyone's reactions, there are things you can do to try to keep the peace in the office.
KEEPING COLLEAGUES HAPPY
Randall Craig, author of bestselling career planning book Personal Balance Sheet, says that your behaviour will cue others on how to act. For example, if the two people involved are discreet, private and professional, co-workers will react similarly. However, Craig warns, "It's very different when two lovebirds coo." If the couple gushes too much at work, that can be distracting and make colleagues uncomfortable.
Keeping your focus on the rest of the team and hanging out with your usual workplace buddies is a great way to mitigate negative reactions. It will help alleviate any fears colleagues may have and prove you still value their friendship.
If one of the lovebirds is the boss, let the team know that higher-ups have been told of the relationship. Reassure them that plans are underway to have one member of the happy couple transferred elsewhere to avoid a conflict of interest.
REASSURING THE BOSS
Julie Bulmash, professor and co-ordinator of the human resources program at George Brown College, says productivity -- not the relationship -- may be an issue with the boss. "It's not the relationship the boss cares about, it's whether [the couple] will respect workplace culture and will get work done effectively," she says.
Whether you're looking to reassure your colleagues or your boss, organizational development consultant Caroline Samne says actions speak louder than words. "Don't think there's anything you can say concretely. But you can ensure your behaviour stays on track."
PROTECTING YOUR PROFESSIONAL IMAGE
Acknowledging your relationship is important, but so is remaining professional with each other in the office and avoiding public displays of affection including hugging and kissing. "If you will do any kissing or hugging, it should be done outside the building or office -- but not in the bathroom," Zuchter says. If your partner is leaving for a business trip directly from the office, "At the elevator is a good spot to have a quick hug."
It's also a good idea to avoid sending your lover racy e-mails at work, advises employment lawyer Kenneth Krupat, because some employers track their staff's computer usage. Before hitting the "send" button, they should ask themselves some questions. "Is this an e-mail I would want my boss or company to read? Same goes for office BlackBerries," Krupat says.
PERSONAL VS. PROFESSIONAL LIVES
Keeping your personal and professional lives separate can be tough for anyone, but doubly so if you work with your loved one. Experts dish up the dirt on how to keep work and play apart.
1. Don't discuss work at home.
Life and business coach Joshua Zuchter says work can bleed into a couple's home life, with both positive and negative effects. While chatting about workplace issues can help workers brainstorm on ideas they didn't have time to think about at the office, he thinks it wiser to ban shop at home. "This will allow you to be more present and not carry any baggage from the office home with you."
2. Leave your lover's spat at home.
"Let's say that John and Lisa had a huge disagreement before they went to work. This will probably affect their productivity," Zuchter says. One technique for leaving personal disagreements out of the office includes acknowledging that you both want to clear up the conflict, but will agree to "park it" before going to work. You can revisit it once you get home.
3. Develop common interests outside of work.
Randall Craig, career planning expert and author, says this is essential for broadening the relationship and giving you something else to talk about. "If you meet someone at a tennis club and go for coffee, you will start out by talking more about tennis," he says. Similarly, if you met on the company's audit team, you may be more apt to talk about this until you develop other common interests outside of work such as hiking, cooking or trips you've taken together.
4. Act professional at the office.
Treat your partner as you would any other colleague. That means no holding hands or kissing at work, Zuchter says. This keeps your personal and professional lives from overlapping by clearly setting boundaries between the two.
5. Take five.
Keep the home fires burning by creating time apart from each other regularly to enjoy some time alone. "It's important for any relationship, but more so with people who work together and sleep together," Zuchter says. "We need to recharge, remember who we are and not lose ourselves in the relationship."
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